Wrap up UK

hello dear, how are you? miss you 🤍

After a long journey (not too long actually but felt a bit long), I finally got to Amsterdam last evening. It was raining quite a bit so it’s a bit messy for me with a big luggage. Hopefully the weather will get better gradually.

I am feeling quite a lot and still adjusting to parting with my parents to continue on my solo journey. Yesterday as I was doing my final packing after breakfast, my dad came up to my bedroom and asked if I can chat. I immediately got nervous fot a bit because I’m always scared of these moment whenever my parents seemed to want a heart to heart conversation. Then my dad started saying, “Remember when you were small, you used to see we (mom and him) love your brother more, do you still feel the same these days?”

I wasn’t expecting that question, I laughed it off and said I don’t really know, I haven’t thought about that for awhile. Then later on I said, “maybe I still feel that way with mom haha.” Then my dad said “haha, you know it’s more like because we worry about him a lot more, so it seems like we care about him more, right? and I wanted to let you know that I’m really happy to see you go on that Vietnam mission trip. I hope you keep trying new things in life.” He then went on to talk about other stuff that is more casual.

It felt a bit awkward, but I know he said those words because he worries about his health sometimes and he wants to make sure he expresses himself while he still can, especially we don’t get to be together physically that much these days.

I held it back but I actually felt a lot at that moment. I don’t know if you remember, but I had a tough period with my dad back when I first moved to Kingston. He stayed at my place for a while because he wanted to go around UK, but as you know my mental state was already declining that time and I really needed space. We ended up not talking with each other for a while, until on my birthday, I sent him a message to apologise.

But true healing in relationship takes more than just an apology. Even over the past few years, I still have a lot of moments where I feel like I just can’t cope with my parents and needed space whenever we are together, like when I helped them settle in the UK last year and our Japan family trip back in March. That’s why I was worried before I went on this trip.

But this turned out to be the best time I had in the UK. The many places we went to, time spent together, and ways to make each other feel loved. There are still moments when I felt like running out of patience with my parents, or things they said that made me feel triggered and disagreed. But I could really feel God at work in me and my parents this time, how he really humbled me so that I can carry a heart that only go bigger and wider. And at the same time, I can slowly see my parents’ shift to starting to respect my boundaries even though they might not understand me well enough.

As you know, I always ponder on the question of what it is that God wants me show me in each season of life. For this trip, I really feel like God wants me to experience how true reconciliation is like in relationships. Forgiveness really is just a start even though that alone might take a long while. But more importantly is how we rebuild the relationship in a new trajectory with healthy boundary that is built on deeper understanding of each other.

Thinking a lot about you too 🤍 love you.

Last selfie in my bedroom

Collage of bits and pieces about the trip 🤍

(PS mom cried at the airport when she sent me off :( )