Silly me

hello dear, how are you? miss you.

I think I experienced a mild heatstroke yesterday after the hike on Saturday. My body was really hot but I wasn’t sweating at all for the whole day even when I was outdoor. I also was feeling nauseous and dizzy and very tired. I finally sweated a bit last night after showering and this morning after I woke up, so I am feeling better now.

I went into the office today. I actually didn’t really want to because I felt like avoiding Edison again, but I had to to review some samples. I wanted to avoid him because he didn’t reply my message since Saturday afternoon until this morning. He said he was busy. I understand that’s very him, and I also know that I am nobody to expect him to message me every day, but I guess I still somehow feel a bit sad and kinda miss getting random car photos and messages from him.

I also wonder if it’s because of all the awkward things I said before (like confessing that I like him as a friend and asking him out to pick me up), and now he’s scared and running away from him.

I know this is where I need to give him some space and make sure I am not crossing the line, but I also don’t want to be fake and pretend all is good, so I decided to keep a soft and quiet attitude today when I interacted with him in the office.

I realised it actually made me feel more comfortable too. I tend to put on a more intellectual mask whenever I interact with him because I know he enjoys that stimulation when someone catches up with his thinking at work. But even though I somehow enjoy that too, that can feel quite tiring for me. Sometimes like today, I just want to be the silly, little girl Hannah who can be a bit clumsy and doesn’t have it all together.

I decided to let myself be that Hannah for today and I think my silly ugly outfit today reflected that.

Miss you dear Andy. I miss being that silly me when I am with you.