Stressed Hannah

Hello dear, how are you?

I miss you quite a lot, so much has been happening lately in the last few days, personally for me and also HK. It’s hard to not feel overwhelmed and stressed.

I am going to car inspection tomorrow morning with Edison for the car that I am buying. I hope everything goes well with it. At the same time, I am also sorting out insurance and all that. This is my first time buying a car so it’s a bit stressed for me. But I am really really glad that Edison has been helping me out so much throughout this process. He really feels like a big brother for me.

At the same time, after 2-3 days of silence, that guy finally reached out to me again this morning. He was trying to chat with me casually as if nothing had happened. This also stressed me out because I don’t know why he’s doing that - is it because he realised he offended me so he’s trying to be friendly again, or is it trying to get close with me again?

And this evening, I had my care group night at church, and he happened to be at another activity that was on the same floor. He kept trying to look through my door or wave at me. I was quite stressed because it feels awkward. He even tried to wait for me after his activity was done. But I told him that I wanted to focus on my care group time and asked him politely to leave first. And just now, he asked me what I’m doing tomorrow, and asked if we can grab a coffee. I straight up asked him if I can take this as he is ready to chat, and he said yes sure. So I guess we will find out more tomorrow.

I am actually not sure if I’m ready to chat with him yet. Mainly because I feel like I’m still processing my feelings. I still feel quite angry or sad about the situation and I am not sure how I want to manage this, and I know I don’t express myself well especially when I am feeling a lot. I am also worried that I would be triggered again by what he might have to say. But I guess it’s better for us to clear the air sooner instead of dragging it.

So I am really praying for God to give me wisdom and mental strength for all the things that are happening tomorrow. The car inspection, the social interactions, and the chat with this guy.

Miss you. I want to write more here to share more details, but I am just really tired now and I know I need to rest. So good night 🤍

Took this yesterday, I went to the office yesterday.