The house update

There is another update regarding the house. After checking, my mom figured that it'd be cheaper if the house is bought under my brother's or my name as a first time buyer. Obviously it will still be my parents who will stay there predominantly. It might just be years later when they pass away, we'll have to figure out what to do with the house.

My mom asked us to decide between us. After thinking about it, I decided to suggest to put it under my brother's name because I feel he might have a sooner need than me for a property, since he has girlfriend while I don't and I am probably still more financially independent than him at this stage.

But turns out we aren't able to do that because my brother no longer has a UK bank account, so the house suddenly has to go under my name.

I don't really know how to feel about it yet. I guess a lot of people probably would think it's the best thing that can happen to them. But for me, I feel rather scared. I guess part of it comes from the unknown responsibility/risk of owning a house. After being in Manchester for a few days, I am very clear that I definitely don't like Manchester compared to London or other towns in the UK. So it's likely I won't eventually live there even when my parents are no longer around/need it. But this is something that I will only need to figure out way later.

The bigger part of the scared feeling I have comes from thinking about the broader implications of the future. It may be hard for anyone to understand, but this added 'responsibility' somehow overwhelmes and triggers the depressed (suicidal) part of me.

But as I shared in the previous post, I do feel how God has been guiding our family through this journey. So if it only works that the house has to go under my name, then I'll learn to submit my worries and feelings to God and trust his direction. Who (God) knows what the future holds.

There probably will be a lot of paperwork and stressful process I need to manage in the coming weeks/months since I am the 'buyer' (I had to rush to meet my solicitor before my train back to London earlier today). But as you know me, those administrative work is rather easy to handle for me. It's the mental aspect of it that is challenging for me.

Miss you a lot and I wish you were here.