The plot twist

hello dear, how are you? hope you are doing okay.

I hope you don’t mind me to continue sharing about this guy that I’ve met recently. I guess all these romantic stories have to have a plot twist at some point. But I had a really unpleasant conversation with him earlier today in the evening over whatsapp, which might actually just change the direction of this whole situation.

To give you a bit more context, the reason I mentioned before that I know we won’t enter in a relationship in a short period of time is that he was just breaking up with a girl recently. He was very transparent and shared about it with me during our first date last week, and he did mention that he will have to meet that girl once more to chat this week.

At first, I appreciate the honesty, so I acknowledged his sharing, but at the same time in my mind, I was already quite certain if that is the case, I definitely don’t want to enter into a relationship with him any time soon. But then as we continue to chat in the last few days, he would just suddenly update me on the interactions he had or will have with this girl this week. To me, that is a bit strange because if his goal is to resolve the relationship so that both sides can move on, and he wanted to let me know he is making that step, I understand and would appreciate the transparency. But he would often share details about the situation and his turbulent thoughts related to it. And as you can imagine, as his romantic interest, I just feel so uncomfortable and triggered to hear those details, but I was also trying to be nice and not turn him away.

But basically few days ago he told me that he is going to meet his ex girlfriend tomorrow to chat. Again I acknowledged that when he shared. And then earlier today, out of the blue, he just suddenly asked me, if I’d be cool with still chatting with him and being friends if his ex and him decided to get back together.

Honestly, I was so offended when I saw his question. To me, that question reflects so much about him - his maturity, his ways of managing expectations and relationships, his communications styles etc. But most of all to me, it just shows how unwise he is to ask such an unfiltered, greedy question out loud.

At that moment, my first thought was to react to it by being passive aggressive all the way. I think the Hannah 3 years ago would probably have done that. But I don’t why, that “first thought” only lasted for a few seconds, and then I was overwhelmed by a peaceful mind that reminds me that the right way to approach this is to respond instead of react. And most importantly, my emotion is a warning signal that it’s time for me to step back in order to not let myself hurt further.

So here is the conversation we had, and I didn’t reply him back after his last message.

As you can see from his messages, clearly he hasn’t made up his mind on what he really wants yet. I totally understand and empathise with him, because that happens to me often as well. But to me, what matters the most and shows a person’s maturity, is the way you cope with your turbulent mind, whether or not you actually take time and space for yourself to process it, instead of rushing to calm the turbulence inside you by trying to get answers from the outside.

After cooling down from the chat I had with him, I just suddenly had this proud moment realisation that I really have grown quite a bit in the last few years, after going through all the big and small ups and downs in my mental and relationship journey. Of course that I am still processing my emotions from this, feeling disappointed with how he seems to see me as a “backup” plan, and slightly anxious about how this will go eventually. But at least I still feel really at peace and steady, knowing that I am putting into practice a lot of things I’ve learnt from my past, to protect myself better while still being kind and compassionate, and hopefully wise too.

Good night dear, and thank you for listening to me if you finish reading this.