Hello, my dear.
After being sick from covid for 10 days, I finally look slightly more acceptable today. So I took a selfie for you, with my donald duck pyjama.
I don’t know if it’s covid or jet lag or hormones, but I just have not been feeling sleepy at night, and it’s been several nights that I could only fall asleep at 3 or 4am. I am still coughing a lot, but luckily not puking anymore.
I guess I am just getting a bit frustrated with myself, with how I am still not getting better both physically and mentally after more than a week.
Last night when I wasn’t able to sleep, my head was full of questions like “Why am I still coughing? Why am I still not getting sleep? How could I let myself get sick on and off for almost a month? Why is my mental state so hard to manage?” And I suddenly realised at the moment how demanding I am to myself.
Do you see me the same way too when you read through my internal thoughts that I share here, Andy? Someone who is always harsh on herself and expecting herself to give her 101% best on everything she does.
I feel this is something that God always wants to remind me from time to time. We live in a world where we are taught that we have to work hard to earn what you want or need. That’s almost the default mindset when we look at everything in life.
But that’s not how it works with God. He loves us because he loves us. It’s never about how much we do or achieve to earn his love. He just loves us. And he wants me to find security in his love that I don’t always have to try harder to impress and be recognised by anyone or myself.
I hope you know the same too. I love you because I love you. It’s never about what you can give me or have for me. I just love you.
I hope you feel safe and comforted knowing the kind of love you already have. Love you and goodnight.
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