Still taking time to get through the turmoil of emotions I feel, I blame it mostly on my period and hormones. There hasn't been photos because I look a bit miserable in the last few days, sorry.
My parents finally decided to go to the UK in early May. After discussing with them, we decided that we will fly separately where they will fly one-way to Manchester and I will fly a round trip to London. It's mainly because our car is still at my cousin's place near London and London is cheaper for round trip flights. So I'll be flying to London before my parents and pick up the car, then drive up to Manchester to pick them up.
It's gonna be a 4-hour solo drive for me, but honestly it's probably better this way as I get to have some alone time. But what I still haven't figured out is how long I'll stay there this time.
There's a huge side of me that doesn't want to make this trip at all because I already know it's not gonna be easy for me to deal with my parents alone and help them settle down. I have a sense that they will be very reliant on me and my dad even hinted it'd be great if I could stay for 3 months. But I know for sure I won't be doing that, I am considering between 2-4 weeks.
To make this trip less "painful", I think I'll make sure I can stay in London alone for a few days, maybe at the start and end. Afterall London is still where I miss the most in the UK.
I am also considering to make another short trip after Manchester, as a reward for accomplishing my "job" there. But I don't really know where else to go that is safe for a girl to go solo and new to me. I actually have this wild idea to visit where you are from...not Edinburgh, I meant Dundee. Maybe it's a bit ridiculous, but I feel like I would feel "closer" to you if I go there, at least I could walk on those streets you used to go, imagine how your life was like there. I guess that's how much I miss you, how much I wish to "get in touch" with you, Andy.
But don't worry, these are just some of my initial thoughts. I know my mental state is tricky so whenever I plan these travels, I'll always remind myself to give myself a bit of time to ponder and pray over it until I find peace and clarity before I move forward with any plans.
I wish to hear your thoughts Andy, but I know it's not that easy and simple.
Lastly, I want to share with you some words I came across today that I really relate to:
There's an immeasurable, but immense benefit in the dark seasons of our lives. The seasons where we can't seem to see the path in front of us, where prayers go seemingly unanswered, where suffering is our song, where the only thing familiar to us is our own trembling shadow.
It's in these seasons that God has a tendency to call out of us sparks of light. Why? Because He seems to know that some things can only bloom bright at night. If you are going through a season where you feel God has hidden Himself from you, where darkness seems to be prevailing — remember that God created both light and darkness and His Love for you and His Good and Purposeful Plans for your life remain constant and unwavering in both luminations.
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