Thoughts on the trip

How are you my dear?

Today I went to visit my chinese doctor, he said both my pulse and body alignment aren’t very “good” this week, and they are probably caused by my emotions and bad sleeping posture. I think he is probably right. Usually the few days after my series of mental breakdowns or “crisis”, I start to have stomache and diarrhoea, and my headaches, body aches and dizziness get worse too.

He was very patient to help relieve my uncomfort and pain during the session. There was a moment when he was fixing my ribs and I suddenly really wanted to cry. Luckily I didn’t, I would feel embarrassed if I did. I told him about it later on in messages, he said it’s likely because that area is nearby the liver, and the liver is connected to emotions in the chinese medicine theory. I hope I will feel better soon, both emotionally and physically.

I finally have some initial thoughts about my February trip. I am considering this route:

Hong Kong -> Frankfurt -> Hamburg -> Stockholm -> Manchester -> London -> Hong Kong

Stockholm is to visit Jason (the friend I visited in Malta last year, he just had a baby through a surrogate mom), Hamburg is a passing by stop because flight from there to Stockholm is way cheaper than from Frankfurt. Then I figured flying back to Hong Kong from London is still the comfortable option as I can take CX, and if I’m going to the UK anyway, I might as well visit my house in Manchester maybe, as my mom suggested.

If I do the above, it’ll probably take almost 3 weeks, and I’ll probably have to pay an extra hk$2k only to cover the additional travels. The one that I am the least sure about is Manchester. I am not sure if I’ll want to stay in that big house alone for 4 days. But aside from that, as you see my elaboration, my whole trip is planned around based on very rational and practical considerations. That’s because the feeling side of me still can’t make up my mind yet. If I’m being asked where do I want to go or be at, my answer is still ‘I don’t know. I don’t think I want to be in anywhere, even Hong Kong.’

I think I will still need some time to ponder over this and pray about it, before I finalize and book any flights. I know that it’s probably impossible to expect that I could adjust my mindset to a place where I could say I feel happy and excited to do this trip. But I hope that I will at least feel more at peace before moving forward with anything.

miss you, dear. I wish you can come with me.

my outfit today, I am starting to like this oversized style: