Miss you a lot, Andy. I miss having you to be my moral support and cheering me up when things get difficult for me.
Today I finally got to spend some time alone at the airbnb because I told my parents I have to work today. I felt like I cried out all the tears that I haven’t had the time and space to in the last few days all at once.
I didn’t realize I am carrying a lot of emotions because of what I shared last night in the last post about my mom. But on the other side, I guess I also feel bad for not being able to tolerate my mom better. I kinda knew these tension will happen and tried to mentally prepare myself before I decided to make this trip, but I still struggle to manage when they happen.
I hid inside my bed and I brought all these mixed feelings to God. In the crying, I feel God reminded me to remember who I am actually serving when I do these things. I didn’t decide to come to help because my parents demanded me to do so. I came because I felt it is something that God would want me to do, and I empathized that it’s gonna be really difficult if they had to come here to settle alone.
When I think about it that way, I realised it becomes less important for me to measure how appreciated I am by my parents, because I am sure God sees my heart and effort, and he is pleased by that.
I’ve also learned to set some boundaries for myself, for example to make sure I have some alone time when I can regulate my emotions and recharge my mental energy.
I also asked God to comfort me in the loneliness, when I feel that I am alone feeling all the emotions and have no moral support.
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