Yesterday, I had my weekly session with the Chinese doctor. I actually reached out to him on IG last week because I suddenly had diarrhoea for a few days, and I feel like he’s now more familiar with me.
I started by telling him that I misbehaved this week, and he immediately guessed if I went drinking. So I confessed that I went drinking even I had diarrhoea, thought that would help me sleep better but turns out I felt even more unwell that night and couldn’t sleep. Then he asked me why I went drinking, and I ended up telling him it’s because I am troubled by having to go on a work trip with a male colleague next week and we had an ambiguous relationship before, so I feel so awkward about going with him.
Then he asked me if I like this colleague. My session with him usually starts with him consulting me in a room, then he’ll take me to an area with beds where he would do those massaging, stretching and acupuncture for me. So when he asked me that, I was lying down flat while he massaged me from the head side of the bed. I felt so shy looking to his eyes, and I told him no I don’t like him (anymore). Then he said I can tell the colleague that I am in a relationship, and I laughed and said I think he’s probably gonna know that I’m lying if I say that. He then said but there’s nothing to do at night in Bangkok except drinking, and he jokingly said maybe I can get some weed there while it’s still legal and stay in the hotel for the whole night.
We then talked about other stuff as I sat up and he performed the rest of the session for me. Turns out he used to sing and play keyboard and drum too, and he remembers all the random things we causally chatted about in the previous sessions, like I go to vocal class in kwuntong, I always work from home, I live with my brother only now and my parents are in the UK.
The session lasted for almost an hour and I wonder if that’s the normal duration. When we’re done, he suddenly helped me remove the hair clip from my hair. Maybe just because the clip is from the clinic, he was trying to “collect” it and he helps all female patients do that. He even tried to give me a bottle of melatonin for free but he couldn’t find it. Then he reminded me to rest more and said in a very gentle way that he’ll see me again when I come back from Thailand.
This might sound ironic and silly because this is probably his everyday job, and I am just another patient. Probably even being laughed at if I tell anyone I shed some tears about this. But I feel that I haven’t been treated this gently with care physically and emotionally for a very very long time, that’s why I was writing this down in such detail.
Just someone who is sensitive enough to notice something’s wrong with me, makes me feel safe enough to open my heart a little bit more than usual, and listen to whatever I am willing to say.
PS. My trip will be 11/8-16/8.
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