How are you doing, Andy? I miss you a lot.
I had some tough, stressful days of work this week. There’s been a lot that have fallen onto my plate, and I had late night calls two days in a row, and then two (in total 5 hours) meetings with Vincent today.
I know myself that there’re some indicators when I start to become too stressed in an unhealthy way. One of them is that I would start to become emotionally “numb”, almost acting like a robot. I would just get up by thinking of all the things I have to get done for that day, and after a long day I become too tired at night to process anything that has happened throughout the day. That makes me my sleeping quality quite bad as well.
Another indicator is that I would notice the decline in my patience/“tolerance” level towards other people. I know that I am someone who can be very judgemental if I have to, but often times I would keep all those within myself. But when I am overly stressed, I get this “why are things not going in the way I want them to be”, and I feel like I am constantly on the edge of losing it when I communicate with people and try to make them understand what I mean.
This has always been something that I feel unhappy deep down about myself. But the more I feel that way, the more I feel stressed for having to do better, and the more that I can’t cope with these stress and feel like I am losing it.
I feel like I have been in this state in the past week, and it’s been frustrating. But while I struggle with that, I feel God has been putting these reminders around me in the last few days to encourage me to be someone who chooses to be careful with my words and always speaks with the intention to build people up. And even when I feel like the other person is being “wrong”, I can still choose to be gracious.
This definitely is something challenging for me because it requires a humble heart (and I am not good at that). But I really feel recently this is something that I want myself to practice.
The truth is I feel I am still not doing good enough at it. But I realised what truly helps me is starting by admitting to God how incapable I feel that I am, and every morning before I get out of my bed and start my long hectic day, I ask God to help me remember how gracious God has been to me even when I don’t deserve it, and let that grace be what sustains me throughout my day.
Miss you, my dear Andy. I hope you are doing okay. But if you are not, know that I think about you and am being by your side. 🤍
PS. The weather has been so good (& hot) these days, I was able to appreciate the beautiful sunset colors while I work at home. Sharing it with you too :) love you
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